


the quest to find a straight

by mothmanlovesya



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Amber and TJ are siblings, Bisexual Buffy Driscoll, Bisexual Jonah Beck, Coming Out, Cuddle Puddles, Cyrus-Centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone's LGBT, Fluff and Angst, Friendship Bracelets, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Insomnia, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian Amber, Lesbian Iris, Multi, Oblivious Cyrus Goodman, Outing, Pansexual Andi Mack, Pansexual Walker Brodsky, Trans Marty, anger issues, sprained ankle, unsafe binding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-08-19 02:50:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16525895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothmanlovesya/pseuds/mothmanlovesya
Summary: Cyrus feels like he has no one to talk to about being gay, until he realizes there may be more people to relate to than he thought.(OR Cyrus thinks all of his friends are straight and he is severely mistaken)





	1. Buffy Driscoll

**Author's Note:**

> im posting this late cause i wanted to get the first chapter out before my schools hell week (it's a theater thing if you aren't aware), which will also be why i can't post another chapter till next week. and since the show is currently active, it won't be completely canon compliant. [i also havent decided if they are aged up (to highschool) or not?? but i dont think so??? if i decide in furture chapters that they are then i will tell you in the tags.] anyways,,, enjoy! i love you all <3333

Cyrus laid in bed, unable to sleep. Most of the blame was due to a certain blond haired, perfect-smiling, basketball captain that just could not seem to stop circling Cyrus’s mind. He tried to push away his feelings for Tj, but they only seemed to come back stronger. He didn’t want to like him. Tj would just be another boy on a hopefully not long list of straight boys he’s had crushes on. Cyrus didn’t know a lot about the gay community since he was new, but he knew rule number one was don’t fall in love with someone who is straight. And he now knows why. It hurts knowing that you don’t stand a chance. Yet as much as Cyrus tries to tell himself that, his mind clearly doesn’t listen. Because all his mind is thinking about it how Tj wouldn’t know what personal space is if someone showed him an hour-long powerpoint on it. Tj’s always grabbing his arm or tapping his shoulder or walking slightly closer than necessary for a sidewalk or hallway. Or how it sounds when he calls him “Underdog.” Yea, Cyrus is far gone.

 

He gives up on sleep. In an annoyed groan, he sits up to grab his phone. The light blinds him for a second since his eyes had adjusted to staring at the dark ceiling.  _ 2:37 AM  _ shone at him obnoxiously, reminding him that he had been laying in bed thinking about Tj for nearly six hours. Since he usually goes to bed at 9, tomorrow will be extremely rough. He wants to vent to someone,  _ anyone. _ Cyrus pulls up his snapchat, but as he’s looking through it, an odd thought appears into his head.  _ None of these people would understand. They’re all straight.  _ The thought alone gives him chills and a feeling of loneliness settles over him. No one he knew would really understand what he was going through. 

 

And yet, this discovery only makes Cyrus want to vent more. He usually can never keep his  _ stuff _ to himself, always having to talk to someone about it, usually the Good Hair Crew. And they’re always there for him, no matter how small or insignificant it may be. When he figured out that he was gay though, the thought of telling them terrified him. He had never been scared to tell them something before. He felt guilty, but he wanted to keep THAT  _ stuff _ to himself. Eventually, he told Buffy, but he still doesn’t talk to her much about it. So, this had to do with being gay… but also feeling alone. And he didn’t have a problem with wanting comfort for the second part. Because he knew he really wasn’t alone. Buffy and Andi loved him and, even though they wouldn’t really understand, they would happily sit while he vents about lying restlessly for hours at night thinking about a guy who he has no chance with. And yet he still felt alone. He couldn’t help it. 

 

Cyrus decided to swallow his pride and call Buffy, who was more likely to be up at this time of night than Andi. When she picked up though, it was obvious she had been asleep.

 

“Cyrus?” Buffy said groggily, a small yawn emitting from the phone.

 

“Sorry for waking you.” Cyrus answered, immediately feeling awful for waking her. What was he thinking? She stays up late, but not 3 on a school night late.

 

“What’s happening?” She asked, voice becoming more alert and starting to fill with alarm. Cyrus panicked. He was scaring her.

 

“Nothing! Nothing!” He rushed, not wanting to scare her. There was a groan on the other side of the line.

“Then why did you call me? Why are you even up this late?” Annoyance and curiosity leaked into her voice. Cyrus sighed, falling back onto his pillow. “Cyrus?”

 

“I’m here, sorry. I couldn’t sleep so I decided to call you. I’m sorry.” He muttered, picking at his blanket in the dark.

 

“Stop apologizing. It’s whatever. Why can’t you sleep?” Cyrus stayed silent at the question, figuring out how to word the thoughts swimming in his head. “Cyrus, you know you can tell me anything, right?” Her voice softened as she said that. Cyrus squeezed his eyes shut. She could always read him so easily.

 

“Yea, I know.” He answered, voice cracking despite his silent pleads not to.

 

“You know I love you, right?” 

 

“Yea,” He huffed. “I’m sorry, it really isn’t that big of a deal.”

 

“I told you to stop apologizing,” She was calmer now, less emotion in her voice. “You had to of called me at this time for something, right?” She asked with a small laugh. Cyrus gave a weak chuckle in return. Well, it was too late to go back now.

 

“I kinda just felt really alone… I realized everyone I know is straight,” Cyrus is met with silence, and he panics a bit as he continues. “Which is fine! Obviously, it’s not a choice or anything. And I wouldn’t want to have any different friends, I love everyone I’m friends with! I wouldn’t want any of you to change, obviously. It just… It kinda sucks cause I just realized no one would really understand. Or, like, I can vent to any of you, which I really appreciate, but none of you would be able to really understand what I’m feeling. And I guess I just felt real… Alone.” He sighs, feeling stupid for calling Buffy in the middle of the night just for this. 

 

She didn’t answer for a bit. There was just silence, and as it continued Cyrus got more and more nervous. Was she offended? Did she feel like this wasn’t worth waking her up for? Before Cyrus could come up with anymore outrageously out of character reactions for Buffy to have, she spoke.

 

“I get that.” She spoke quietly. Cyrus felt a bit underwhelmed by her answer.

 

“No, that’s the point, you don’t.” He sighed, biting his lip.

 

“No, Cyrus, I  _ get  _ that.” She put emphasis on her words that made Cyrus sit up. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He was shocked, to put it simply. “I’m bi.” She continued shakily. The way Cyrus felt was indescribable.

 

“Thank you for telling me, I hope you know you didn’t have to. I love you.” He told her in a soft comforting voice. It felt odd being on the other side of this experience. A pinch of guilt squeezed his heart. What if she felt pressured because of his rant? What is she didn’t want to?

 

“I love you too, and I didn’t. It’s fine. I was trying to figure out a way to tell you anyways. I’ve known for a while. In fact, I should’ve told you when you told me. But, I wasn’t ready… I’m sorry if you’ve felt alone because of that.” 

 

“Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault. I’m glad you took your time. I get that.” Cyrus gave a small laugh at the last part. “I finally have someone who gets that.” Buffy joined him in laughing. 

 

“Yeah… We might not be so alone in that either…” She trailed off. Cyrus could practically hear her smirk.

 

“What?! Who?!” He asked in excitement and confusion. Buffy chuckled at his reaction.

 

“Not my place. And you need sleep, so go to bed.” She demanded cheerfully. Cyrus groaned at the answer but understood. His smile fell at the command.

 

“Sleep… Right…” While the call had cleared up somethings, it hadn’t cleared up the main source of his sleep problem. 

 

“Is there something else?” Buffy asked, catching the hesitation in his voice. Cyrus debated telling her, but decided that enough had been tackled tonight without bringing up that mess.

 

“Nope. Goodnight Buffy, love you.” 

 

“Whatever you say,” She answered, suspicion (and was it just sleep deprivation or was that a hint of knowing?) leaking into her voice. “Love you too, night Cy.” And with that Cyrus hung up and laid back down. That fixed some things, but now his mind was racing with a whole new set of thoughts. (Not entirely new though... That blond haired, swing loving, basketball captain still found his way into Cyrus’s head.)


	2. Andi Mack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should def be focusing on hell week but shhh   
> this chapter felt a bit cheesy but i decided THEY ARE cheesy so whatever let em live  
> also my grammar corrector on my computer is broken soo i did my best  
> <3333 you all

**_Good Hair Groupchat_ **

**Craftimack:** _ guys _

**Craftimack:** _ guys i made something _

**The Slayer:** _ when are you NOT making something _

**Craftimack:** _ tru _

**NotBritish:** _ well I’M excited to see it andi <33333 _

**Craftimack:** _ <33333 _

**The Slayer:** _ me too!! Iwasjustsaying _

**Craftimack:** _ meet at the spoon in 20 _

**NotBritish:** _ ooo surprises _

**The Slayer:** _!!!!yay_

**NotBritish:** _ okk can we change my name??? that was 4ever ago _

**The Slayer:** _ yea… hey creative person, be creative _

**Craftimack** has changed  **NotBritish** to  **Disaster Gay**

**Disaster Gay:** _ offended _

  
  


It’s been four days since Cyrus’s late-night phone call with Buffy and they haven’t talked about it since. They haven’t avoided each other either, but it hasn’t come up in conversation besides an immediate hug Wednesday morning upon seeing each other. Andi looked at them a little oddly, but she shrugged it off and didn’t ask any questions.

Rounding on Saturday, Cyrus had gotten used to his new-found lack of sleep. It was awful at first, switching from 10 hours of sleep to 4. But after a while, he had adjusted. Or at least could stay awake through class, which had proved to be his first problem when he almost fell asleep in history. Both the teachers and students had looked at him like he had birthed an alien. Cyrus was surprised at himself too and decided he had to get a grip. He wasn’t going to let his grades drop because of a boy. So with that motivation, he forced himself to stay focused during class. Buffy had suggested drinking coffee every morning, but Cyrus knows that that would make him  _ way _ too hyper. Plus, not one of his four parents would ever let him drink coffee right now, and even asking would earn him a 20-minute lecture on what caffeine does to a teenagers brain. So Cyrus decided to stay with just working as hard as he could to distract himself.

 

But now it was the weekend, and it didn’t matter how late you slept in or stayed up. Cyrus was finally home free. When he finally did wake up, it was to texts from Andi and an obnoxiously bright  _ 10:07 AM _ . It was a record that made his stomach twist. He answered the texts while throwing himself out of his bed to get ready. While Buffy’s text  _ was _ correct on Andi crafting things every second, she honestly hadn’t crafted anything for the Good Hair Crew in a while. Assuming that this craft was  _ for _ the GHC… She left the text very open ended.

 

Cyrus was excited nonetheless. He loved DIY’s and crafting, and he’d definitely do it more often… If he wasn’t so bad at it. Cyrus is fine with being bad at crafting, he enjoys it anyway, but there’s not much to do with a pop cycle stick birdhouse that doesn’t have a hollow inside. So he stuck to cheerleading, as usual. That was something he knew he was good at.

 

When he got to the spoon, he instantly knew that whatever the surprise was, it wasn’t big. Not like a time capsule. (Cyrus silently thanked her for that. He won’t be able to handle another time capsule for a while.) He was welcomed by two big smiles as he slid in the booth next to Buffy. They both already had their baby taters and milkshakes in front of them and, to his delight, his were waiting for him too.

 

“Ooo, and I didn’t even have to order. To what do I owe the pleasure?” Cyrus joked, popping a tater into his mouth. Andi smiled wide.

 

“My surprise.” She answered, taking a sip of her birthday-cake milkshake. Cyrus stopped his hand reaching to his chocolate one.

 

“Wait, is this the surprise? Did you make the milkshakes or something?” He tried to hide the worry in his voice. As amazing as Andi is at crafting, her skills in food are lacking. 

 

“No.” Buffy answered, sipping delightfully on her strawberry milkshake.

 

“Have you already seen it?” Cyrus pouted at her. They usually waited until he got there.

 

“No, we were waiting for you. Now would you shush so I can reveal the surprise already,” Andi swatted him. Cyrus stuck his tongue out back, but stayed silent. The suspense was killing him. “Alright… So, I figured it’s been a while since we’ve had friendship bracelets.” Andi smiled, digging in her pocket. Buffy and Cyrus’s faces lit up before she could even get the bracelets out. As kids, they had friendship bracelets all the time. They were always changing, because of Cyrus losing his or Buffy breaking hers or Andi deciding that she wanted to remodel them. But ever since the drama of finding out her mom was her sister and crushing on Jonah, they stopped having any to wear.

 

When she pulled them out of her pocket though, they looked kind of plain. They were a brown leather with GHC imprinted in purple on the top. They used to have something a bit more dignifying to the person when they were younger, but Cyrus was happy all the same. He had missed them, and he was going to wear it anyways.

 

“Andi…” Buffy trailed off, smiling wide. She reached out to grab one, but Andi pulled them away, swatting Buffy’s hand.

 

“Let me finish!” She laughed. Buffy rolled her eyes, but let the crafter continue. “I wanted something that applied a bit more to this year, but I didn’t want it to be too obvious… So this is the outside and this…” Andi flipped all three bracelets over. “Is the inside.” She finished, watching their reactions tentatively. 

 

Inside each of the bracelets was a different collage of colors, made in many different strands of string. The only brown you could see was the border, to ensure that you couldn’t see the colors from the outside eye. One bracelet was unmistakenly a vibrant rainbow. Another was an ombre of different blues, pinks, and purples. And the third was another ombre of yellow, blue and pink. The colors looked familiar to Cyrus, and it didn’t take much longer for him to connect the dots, but even after that… His brain was still struggling to catch up.

 

“Andi…” Buffy started again, this time sounding like she was about to cry. Buffy reached out and gently grabbed the bisexual flag ombre, inspecting it lightly.

 

“It’s cheesy.” Andi blushed, fiddling with the pan flagged one.

 

“Shut up, I love it!” Buffy cheered, shoving it onto her wrist.

 

“You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.” Andi spoke. It took a long period of silence for Cyrus to realize that she was talking to him. He snapped out of his trance and snatched the rainbow-colored bracelet.

 

“No, I love it!” He exclaimed, trying to assure her nervous face. “I just… You never told me you were…”

 

“Pan? Yea… Surprise?” Andi gave weak jazz hands, laughing. It was contagious, and soon they were all in a fit of laughter. It only died down once other tables started to stare.

 

“I can’t believe I felt alone, like, last week.” Cyrus chuckled, snapping the bracelet onto his wrist. Andi’s eyes widened.

 

“Really?!” She exclaimed. Buffy sighed, wrapping an arm around Cyrus.

 

“Yep.” She smiled softly, leaning her hand on Cyrus’s shoulder. Cyrus leaned his head on top of hers, twisted face dissolving into a content smile.

 

“I called her about it and that’s when she came out to me. Have you told anyone else?” Cyrus asked Andi from his resting spot on top of Buffy.

 

“My parents and the girl you’re currently smothering,” Andi joked. Buffy gave her a shooing motion from her spot. Andi continued. “So basically the only people who matter. Besides Jonah… Don’t know how I’m gonna approach that one… But at this point, I don’t really think it matters too much so I don’t care who knows,” Cyrus smiled at her, beaming with proudness.

“Buffy and I came out to each other the other week… Sorry it took a minute to get to you.” Andi frowned a bit, grabbing Cyrus’s hand.

“It’s okay, I’m just proud of you both.” And to that, they clinked milkshakes as a toast. The clink was loud, causing Cyrus to check his surroundings. And as he expected, many of the nearby tables were glancing at them.

 

“Um… Maybe we should stop having a cuddle puddle in the middle of the spoon?” He suggested, giving Buffy a small nudge.

“Boooo.”


	3. Amber Kippen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones alot shorter but ya knoww. im finally free tho!! so to make up for it being a hot second since ive posted, im gonna try to get some of the other chapters written up. also i'd like to say again that this isn't canon-compliant with the most recent episodes since i started this earlier (even tho that last one omggggg it was so good)  
> ily all, enjoy <3

Out of all the things Cyrus wanted to do today, walking in on Amber and Andi’s date was not one of them. He found them when he went to the park to get out of his house and away from his parents. Cyrus loves his parents, he does, but all four of them can be very  _ overbearing _ at times. Especially when they sense something is wrong. The fact that their senses are usually spot on only annoys him more because, yes, something is going on, but not something that he wants to talk to them about. Not something that he wants to talk to anybody about. Not yet, at least. So, after an intervention like breakfast with his parents, Cyrus lied and said he was going to hang out with some friends at the park. He felt guilty for lying, since he rarely does, but he felt like the chance of them letting him leave the house for no specific reason would be small. 

 

Cyrus was halfway through the park and to the swingset when he heard a familiar set of voices and laughter. He walked to the top of the hill to see over it, only to discover it was Andi and Amber, laughing hysterically on a picnic blanket. Cyrus nearly lost interest, because they’ve had picnic’s plenty of times, it's nothing extraordinary. But then they kissed. 

 

Cyrus panicked, immediately feeling that he was NOT supposed to see that. He pivoted to turn back around, but it dawned too late that he had underestimated how steep the hill was. His ankle twisted and, with a shout of pain, he fell down. He rolled down the hill a couple times until he could finally get a grip and stop himself. The distant laughter had stopped.

 

“Cyrus?” Andi’s voice called. The boy sighed to himself, remaining on the ground.  _ Why can’t I just be semi-coordinated for once? _

 

The bright blue sky was interrupted by both Andi and Amber peering down at him in confusion and worry.

 

“Are you okay?” Amber asked suspiciously, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Yep, yepyepyep. Just, ya know, cloud gazing.” Cyrus shook his head sporadically, staring into the sky past both of them.

 

“It sounded like you fell,” Andi pursed her lips. “And there are no clouds in the sky.” Cyrus sighed at that, sitting up. He had dug himself in too deep to lie.

 

“I didn’t mean to spy on you guys, I swear! I was just walking through the park and I heard you guys, but then I saw…” He trailed off awkwardly. The girls glanced at each other with unreadable expressions. “I just got startled, which caused me to trip… I’m sorry.” He frowned, picking at the grass. Amber had never specifically come out to him, so it felt  _ wrong _ that he found out without her consent.

 

“It’s fine, Cy. Just keep what you saw on the DL, ok? For now...” Amber smiled, patting his shoulder. Cyrus nodded vigorously.

 

“Will do.” He sighed with relief. Andi smiled at that and reached out her arm to pull him up. Cyrus gladly took it, pulling himself up. But as he put his left foot on the ground, it immediately gave into his weight with a spike of pain. Cyrus let out a yelp falling back onto the ground. 

 

“Cyrus!” Both girls yelled, leaning back down to him again. Cyrus started to notice the numb throbbing coming from his ankle.

 

“I guess I twisted it harder than I thought.” Cyrus laughed weakly, hissing through the pain as he tried to roll the foot around.

 

“We- We need to get you to a doctor. We’ll take you to your house, your parents can take you.” Andi rushed in concern. Cyrus felt a small groan of annoyance escape him. The last thing he wanted to do was give his parents more reasons to fret over him. He didn’t notice the two girls wary glanced at each other.

 

“Is it-uh- Ok to take you home?” Amber questioned while getting him to stand with the help of Andi. The situated themselves under both of his arms to support him.

 

“Oh- Yea! Yes! Yea… Just, can we say I was hanging out with you guys?” They started to walk along, slower since they had to carry Cyrus. Andi can’t help but think it’d be easier if Buffy was here to give Cyrus a piggyback ride.

 

“Why?” Amber interrupts Andi’s trail of thought.

 

“Because I told them I was going to go hang with friends.”

 

“And you weren’t? 

 

“No.” Cyrus muttered the end. Andi’s eyebrows shot up.

 

“You  _ lied _ ?!” Andi cut in. Cyrus flushed red.

 

“It’s not that big of a lie, I just didn’t think they’d let me leave if they knew I’d be alone.” He murmured, keeping eye contact with the ground.

 

“I mean, I guess it’s not. It just surprised me…” Andi gave another concerned glance at Amber, who returned it.

 

“We’ll tell them the same story, just that you were coming over to meet us when you fell.” Amber decided as she let Cyrus’s arm go for him to open up the gate.

 

“Thank you.” He whispered with a smile.

 

While they weren’t sure exactly why yet, both girls sensed something was up with Cyrus. More than just his ankle.


	4. Walker Brodsky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so..... walker isnt in this one for a bit actually askdjfhak. i am weak, if i start writing tj i cant STOP writing tj. anywayssssss comments are always appreciated, i love hearing what you guys think. thx as always, love yall <33333 (alsooo im not sure how to write the next couple characters but we gonna figure it out)

Cyrus swears this boot will be the end of him. It was hard enough not tripping over everything in sight with his two feet alone, so when you add a boot and two crutches, it’s a recipe for disaster. He only got the boot yesterday, but he had already tripped over enough things that his parents had personally asked Buffy and Andi to follow him around and make sure he wouldn’t get him self hurt anymore than he already is. It annoyed Cyrus slightly, because he wasn’t a child, but he also couldn’t deny that he had the coordination of a goldfish out of water. So, the GHC split up his classes into different people to help Cyrus carry his stuff. 

 

“Neither of us have dance with you.” Buffy frowned, staring at his schedule.

 

“I get out of it, don’t I?!” Cyrus asked, a bit panicked. That was one of the only positives he got out of spraining his ankle.

 

“Well yeah, but you still have to get to the studio. Is there anyone you know in that class?” 

Cyrus pondered on it. He didn’t  _ hate  _ anyone in the class, per say, but he didn’t know anyone either. The only person he was even remotely close to was Walker.

 

“Walker, I guess.” Andi smiles at that. 

 

“Yes! We’ll ask him in Hist-”

 

“Cyrus!” A familiar voice cut her off. Cyrus shifted his seat on the bench and turned around to look at who had called his name. Tj was jogging from the bus towards him, with Amber at his heels. She seemed relaxed, even a bit smug, while Tj looked… Concerned? “Are you okay? How’s your ankle?”

 

“Oh, I’m fine. Doc says one week with the crutches and an extra week after that with the boot.” Cyrus smiles, a small blush spreading across his face at Tj’s concern.

 

“I’m really sorry I didn’t text you.  _ Someone _ didn’t tell me about it until this morning.” He glared daggers at Amber, who shrugged in return.

 

“I thought you would already know.” She said cheekily, feigning innocence. Tj rolled his eyes.

 

“Again, I’m sorry. Do you need any help carrying stuff to your classes?” He asked in a rush. If Cyrus didn’t know any better, he seemed hopeful. For what… Cyrus didn’t know.

 

“We got all the jobs covered. Plus, you don’t have any classes with him.” Buffy smirked at her last anecdote. This conversation a month ago would’ve gone down with a much heavier tone. With Tj lying about being sorry, and Buffy cold-shouldering his offer to help. But now Tj’s apology was genuine (intensely so), and Buffy’s words held no more meaning than to tease. At said tease, Tj ducked his head. Cyrus thought he saw red but wrote it off as it being slightly chillier today.

 

“Hey, the bells gonna ring.” Andi interrupted. Cyrus groaned.  _ Time to start working these devil sticks. _ He leaned on Andi to stand up and got his crutches figured out. Buffy reached for his bag only to have it snatched out from her hand by Tj.

 

“Nope, I got it,” Buffy rolled her eyes and began to protest, but Tj cut her off. “If I can’t help in between classes, I’m gonna help now.” The two backpacks on his shoulder seemed like nothing to the jock. Cyrus felt bad for how heavy his bag must be. He took a lot of homework and extra credit home over the weekend. Yet, the jock seemed unfazed. Tj even waited for a blushing red Cyrus to catch up.

 

“How are the crutches?” Tj asked once they had fallen alone behind the others.

 

“They’re genuinely hell sticks.” Cyrus complained, hopping steadily forwards. Tj laughed in surprise.

 

“Damn, Underdog. Since when do you curse?” Cyrus rolled his eyes with a smile.

 

“Since I tumbled down a hill, apparently…” He laughed, but slowly fell into a cringe.

 

“Yeah… Amber told me about that.” Tj laughed lightly. Cyrus felt himself relax at the tone not making fun of him.

 

“ _ God _ , it’s so embarrassing.” Cyrus watched the sidewalk, making sure he doesn’t miss ground with his crutch and fall on his face again. He wouldn’t be able to live if he did that in front of Tj.

 

“No, it’s not,” Tj shook his head with a comforting smile. “Most stories behind a sprained ankle aren’t crazy. Plus… I don’t think people would believe you if you said you got into a fight with a bear.” They both laughed at that. It felt good, Cyrus decided, to be semi-carefree. Cyrus also consequently decided that Tj was an oxymoron all in his self. Both his current deepest anxieties and most carefree conversations were at the fault of Tj. Cyrus wanted to laugh at how ridiculous it all was. But, he thought of something else instead.

 

“So… When you say she told you…” He trailed off. Cyrus did NOT want to out either of the girls, especially to one’s own brother, but he couldn’t help but be curious… And it felt odd that he was supposedly the only one who knows. So odd, in fact, that Cyrus highly doubts he IS the only person that knows. Andi usually can’t keep any secret for her life, and Cy had always known Amber to be one for drama. It’s what made their weekly  _ tea  _ parties so fun. Not that Cyrus would ever trash talk anyone. It’s mostly just them talking about their own petty problems. Whenever Amber did start to talk ill of someone random, Cyrus would scold her.  

 

“She told me the entire story…” Tj trailed, giving a knowing smile and wink. For once Cyrus was glad for the crutches, because that wink made his knees weak. They both looked ahead at the two girls, smiling and laughing at each other, pushing each other playfully. 

 

They eventually made it to Cyrus’s locker, which Cyrus opened with difficulty. Andi reappeared from her locker as Tj put the bag in. 

 

“I’ll take this as the cue to pass the baton.” Tj smiled between Andi and him.

 

“Yea. Thank you for carrying my bag! You didn’t have to.” Cyrus smiled guiltily.

 

“No problem. Consider it my job until you get that off.” He shrugged lazily to Cyrus’s leg. Cyrus’s face screwed with concern.

 

“Oh, you don-”

 

“Nope, don’t protest, it’s my job. Callin’ dibs,” Tj smiled, feigned the scouts honor sign. “See ya, Cy!” He walked away.

 

“Bye!” Cyrus called as he walked away with a laugh. Tj glanced back around and shot him another smile that made his heart week and his head hurt. 

 

“ _ Ahem. _ ” Andi coughed. Cyrus immediately pulled his attention back to her face, which was adorned with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. 

 

“...What?” He asked innocently. She rolled her eyes and continued to stare at him. A blush deepened across the boy’s face. “What?!” Cyrus frowned, staring at his locker while he shut it.

 

“Ok, ok. Let’s go we’re gonna be late to class.”

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Walker, who had (of course) agreed to walk Cyrus down to dance class, walked beside the other boy carrying his homework that he planned to do in the free time he got. The halls were pretty empty since the bell was about to ring, but both boys had come to accept that they were going to be late. The dance studio was the farthest out, by the gym and band room. This meant that everyone who didn’t have a class near there beforehand would basically have to sprint if they wanted to get there on time. Another thing Cyrus didn’t like about the class. It was also basically everyone who had to sprint because having a class near the studio right before it was nearly impossible. If you were taking dance there was no reason to take gym and band was the class after (which Walker expressed gratitude for since he was in band.) So, since sprinting was off the table, they decided to not even try.

“So… What do you play in band?” Cyrus asked as a feeble attempt to make conversation. He considered Walker a friend, but he hadn’t realized how little they actually know about each other.

“Mellophone.” Walker nods with a smile. Cyrus doesn’t have the heart to say that he has no idea what that is or what it looks like. He did fifth grade band with Buffy and Andi, so he only knew the ones they played. He played saxophone (horribly), Buffy played trumpet and Andi played clarinet. It was a short-lived experience, to say the least.

“Is it fun?” Cyrus inquires. He doesn’t remember having a lot of fun in fifth grade band. Granted,  _ everyone _ hated the teacher. It put off a lot of people from continuing, himself included. That and the fact that his skills were… lacking. And at the time he wasn’t keen on doing anything with Buffy or Andi, and they both planned on quitting. Buffy wanted to focus on basketball and Andi’s Grandma hated the clarient.

“Yes, of course! Though honestly lately I’ve been dreading going. The director asked my ex to switch from clarinet to mello. I’m trying to keep it not awkward, but he’s putting in a lot of effort to ignore me. Which is especially hard since we’re sharing music.” Walker sighed. Cyrus admires how chill Walker is. He wouldn’t hesitate to say that Walker is the coolest person he has ever met. (That’s a lie, he would hesitate. Souly on the fact that all of his other friends would kill him. Maybe not Andi though… She would probably agree.)

“Well, at least you’re being the bigger person. I’m sure he’ll be more comfortable soon,” At Walker’s nod, Cyrus realizes that he just told him that his ex was a he. Something Cyrus had NOT known before. Stereotypically, yes, Walker was a bright beacon of LGBT. But Cyrus didn’t see why loving the arts automatically made you gay. After all, Cyrus couldn’t draw a picture to save his life and he was as much of a gay disaster as they come. Not to mention Walker’s fling with Andi. “So… You’re…”

“Pan. Yea, sorry I forgot you didn’t know. It’s kinda hard to keep track of who does…” Cyrus nods vigorously.

“Mood.” They both start to laugh.

“So… Are you g-”

“Yea,” Cyrus cut him off, a blush rising to his face and anxiety rising to his chest. He wasn’t  _ hiding _ it, but he hasn’t told many people either. And being confronted about it still made him feel weird. “I just don’t say much about it yet…”

“I get it. Middle school,” They both laugh. Cyrus decided he would never get sick of the feeling of having a friend to relate too. “Anyone you like at the moment?” Walker asked casually. Cyrus’s heart leapt into his throat.  _ Yesyesyesyesyesdeargodyes. _

“Pass,” Cyrus laughed awkwardly, nearly tripping on his crutch. Walker snorted a laugh. “And you?”

“Ditto.” Walker laughed. Cyrus wouldn’t deny it made him curious, but he figured it wasn’t fair for him to pester about it when the thought of admitting his crush made him feel like he was going to vomit out his lungs. So he walked (barely) in a comfortable silence the rest of the way to the studio door. Walker walked with him all the way to give the teacher the note and to the back row of seats, where Cyrus planned to do his homework. Cyrus stopped him before Walker ran onto the stage.

“Hey, thanks.” Walker smiled knowingly and nodded.

“Anytime.”


	5. Iris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally, cyrus gets a break (the boi needed it). annnyyywayyys not much to say on this one, it's kinda short. as usual ily all, tysm <3333

“Cyrus!”  

 

Cyrus was waiting for Buffy and Andi to show up at the spoon when he heard someone call his name.

 

The past half-week had been outwardly uneventful. The only interesting things happening were in Cyrus’s brain. He was getting to his wit's end with everybody and was really struggling to keep it from showing. It was his own fault too, and he knew it.

 

He’s always been very close with all of his parents, almost entirely due to the fact that they don’t keep secrets from each other. But now he has the biggest secret he’s ever had, and it’s messing everything up. He’s been more distant to keep himself from spilling it which has caused them to be extra overbearing. They all can sense something is wrong, but Cyrus doesn’t want to come out to them yet. He’s not ready for that. He’s been trying to keep his crush on Tj quiet from Andi and Buffy too. Both girls had their suspicions, but neither said anything. And as long as Cyrus didn’t mention it, they left it alone. It was killing him.

 

If someone told Cyrus a secret, he would take it to the grave for them. But he could never keep his own. He was usually an open book, so keeping this quiet kept getting harder and harder. And yet, he wasn’t ready for what people would say to him. Buffy and Andi used to  _ hate _ Tj, and while things have gotten better… Would they be over it? And he knew his parents would all be supportive but… He didn’t want them to hold him hostage in therapy sessions on dealing with being gay. He had fully accepted that by now and he didn’t need to be analyzed on it.

 

Cyrus couldn’t do it anymore. The night before was the last sleepless night he could take. 

 

**_Good Hair Groupchat_ **

 

**Disaster Gay:** _ hey, meet at the spoon? _

 

Cyrus was already sitting in their booth when he sent the text, so he really hoped they could come. He didn’t want to eat alone or have to walk home and be scolded by his parents for not having someone with him. He had finally gotten used to walking with crutches, but they still wanted him to have help. 

 

That’s when someone called his name.

 

“Cyrus!” He turned his head to see Iris. 

 

“Iris? Hey!” Cyrus replied in surprise. He hadn’t seen her in months.

 

“Anyone sitting here?” She nudged the booth across from Cyrus, who nervously glanced down at his phone.

 

**_Good Hair Groupchat_ **

 

**Craftimack:** _ family dinner tonight, sorry!! _

 

**The Slayer:** _ yea, sorrrrrrryy, my dad wants me to finish my homework _

 

**The Slayer:** _ <3333 _

 

“All yours.” Cyrus sighed, looking back up at her.

 

“You alright? Sounds like you got a lot on your mind.” The girl smiled warmly at him. Cy had forgotten how great Iris was. If his disaster of a crush on Jonah didn’t make him realize he was gay, his lack of romantic feelings for this perfect girl definitely would’ve made it obvious.

 

“You have  _ no  _ idea.” He joked, running a hand through his hair. 

 

“Well… I’m here if you want to talk.” 

 

“I don’t wanna burden you…” Cyrus trailed off shyly as the waiter came up to them.

 

“Two chocolate milkshakes and two baby taters, please,” She asked politely. “Spill.” She raised an eyebrow and stated as the waiter walked away. They both dissolved into laughter. Cyrus finally composed himself.

 

“Are you sure?” He asked again. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but he actually really did want to vent.

 

“Of course!” She urged. He took a breath before letting it lose.

 

“I’m gay and I have a crush on Tj Kippen.” His head felt like it was spinning suddenly. Finally saying it made it one thousand times more real, and Cyrus was terrified. He’d wanted to get it off his chest, but now it wasn’t just some pipedream, it was a full blown crush that he was going to have to deal with.

 

“Continue.” Iris responded softly while grabbing his hand that he hadn’t even noticed was shaking. 

 

“I just don’t know what to do. I haven’t told anyone the later and I can’t tell Buffy or Andi, because I honestly don’t know if they’ll take it well. My parents know I’m not telling them something so they’re being overbearing and I can’t stand it. It all has been messing me up… I can’t sleep or focus. I even got a B on my English test!” Iris gasped at that, with Cyrus nodding in exasperated agreement. “Right! And it’s all over this guy who is as straight as a ruler. I don’t wanna ruin our friendship, but it’s getting so hard…” Cyrus trailed off into a groan, dropping his head with a thunk on the table. Iris let go of his hand to pat his back.

 

“I don’t think Andi or Buffy will have a problem with you being gay…” She trailed off. Cyrus snorted and lifted his head.

 

“Oh no, they are VERY aware and ok with that.” Cyrus laughed a bit, staring at his friendship bracelet. Iris, to his surprise, laughed as well. The waiter politely interrupted them and dropped off their food and milkshakes. Cyrus promptly started drinking his.

 

“Yeah…” Cyrus raised an eyebrow at her in suspicion. “Andi and Amber.” Iris whispered. Cyrus choked on his milkshake.

 

“Oh no, how did that get out?!” Cyrus whispered urgently, grabbing his phone. If his crush on Tj were to get out he would die, so he wanted to tell Andi as soon as possible.

 

“No, no, it didn’t. Amber told me.” Iris sighed, looking at the table.

 

“Oh..?” 

 

“Yeah… She wanted to give me a heads-up. She didn’t take it well when we broke up, so she texted me apologizing and saying she moved on. She sounded really smitten with Andi.” Iris smiled sadly, taking a sip of her milkshake. 

 

“You- You guys used to date?!” Cyrus asked in surprise. Instantly feeling bad about his reaction, he corrected himself. “Oh, um, I’m sorry about the breakup.”

 

“Don’t be, I did it. We just weren’t right as a couple,” Iris shrugged. “And I wouldn’t put a label on Tj just yet. He’s never had a girlfriend you know.” 

 

“Really?” Cyrus asked in surprise.  He expected the captain of the basketball team to have at least had one girlfriend before. Girls flirted with him all the time! Not that Cyrus stood around while they did, it hurt too much. “I guess my gaydar hasn’t been the best lately.” He joked, still not believing that he really had a chance with Tj. Iris snorted.

 

“So… Ciris,” She gestured between them both. “Went from being OTP to wlw mlm solidarity?” They both burst into laughter. It felt… good. He felt lighter. He popped a baby tater into his mouth with a smile.

 

“I guess so.”


	6. Marty from the Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im BACK and ok I KNOW THE FLOW OF THIS STORY SUCKS. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WRITE A STORY WITHOUT PLANNING ANYTHING KIDS! everything is kinda drabbles??? but also connected??? like, i think the next chapter is definitely going to be connected to this one, but we'll see. (but even if i dont know what the hell is happening IM GONNA FINISH THIS in case there is even one person who semi enjoys it.) ALSO feel p bad that this was martys chapter and he's not even in it alot, but i honestly hc him as not being very comfortable being vocal about being trans sooooo yea. ANYWAYS if you're still reading this mess thank you sm!!!! i love you all <3333

Cyrus feels awful, but he doesn’t enjoy watching the boys basketball practice. The actual games are a different story. When he knows he's making an impact and he’s supporting his friends, he’s happy to sit there for hours and not understand a single thing about what’s going on. The sight of his friend's faces after they win is worthwhile. But practice is long and dull, and Cyrus hates it. Yet when Tj asks if he wants to hang out afterward, and Buffy offers to hang out with him, he gives in. It’s not too bad, anyway. (The only good part about it, in Cyrus’s opinion, is that he has an excuse to stare at Tj for an hour.) So that’s where he found himself, watching Tj run up and down the gym and yelling at his other teammates. Buffy insisted on studying for her history test, but Cyrus kept catching her watching Marty. He couldn’t tell if her expression was admiration or concern, or an odd mix of both. Marty  _ did _ look tired and in pain, but so did almost everyone on the team, so Cyrus just chalked it up to Buffy being overprotective and in love (even though she protests that.)

 

After what seemed like an eternity, practice ended. Buffy quickly got up and jogged over to where Marty was drinking his water on the ground. Cyrus stood and tested his boot before walking over to where Tj was chugging gatorade away from the team. (He finally was allowed to walk around without using the devil sticks.)

 

“How’d it go?” Cyrus asked as Tj wiped the sweat off his face.

 

“Didn’t you watch?” Tj raised an eyebrow, taking another gulp of his drink.

 

“Yes, but since when do I know what’s happening.” Tj laughed at that and nodded.

 

“Ok, fair. It went well…” Tj faded off, looking over Cyrus’s shoulder. The rest of the team was getting particularly loud talking to eachother. 

 

“Dude, shut up.” Brandon, a shooting guard, said in what looked like annoyance. It was loud enough that everyone in the gym heard it. The person he was talking too became clear at the offended look on the point guard Travis’s face.

 

“You all are just pussies who weren’t gonna say it.” Travis hissed, shoving Brandon. Brandon just rolled his eyes and continued to change his shoes. The other guys in the huddle looked uncomfortable, and Cyrus noticed there were many quick glances over to him and Tj. He didn’t have a good feeling about it and, by the look they both shared from across the short half of the court, neither did Buffy. Tj’s face twisted.

 

“Is something going on?” He asked defensively, starting to walk towards the team. Cyrus didn’t dare follow. The group of boys had mixed faces, some uncomfortable, some nervous, a couple even seemed  _ angry _ . Travis looked smug. It gave Cyrus a bad vibe.

 

“We were just talking about our opinions on having guests at practice.” Travis smirked. Cyrus’s stomach dropped.

 

“Travis, just shut up-” Brandon started, but Travis interrupted him.

 

“Some of us think it’s a little weird you let a faggot come oogle at us. It was fuckin’ gross.” Travis snorted, only glancing at Cyrus once. 

 

The silence was suffocating. Cyrus couldn’t move, couldn’t  _ think _ . He knew he may run into people that don’t agree with his identity, but he never actually thought that someone would call him that. It  _ hurt _ . It hurt like nothing Cyrus as ever felt before. He can feel tears welling in his eyes despite willing them not to. He shouldn’t care what some random basketball player thinks, and usually he wouldn’t. But being called that word... Cyrus never thought words could affect him so much.

 

“What did you just call him?” Tj’s voice broke through the silence, and although it was a whisper, it rang clear as day to anyone in the gym. His voice was small and calm. Cyrus had never heard him like that before, which meant that this was  _ not _ gonna be good. Tj was shaking, fists clenched.

 

“Tj, don’t-” Cyrus started, voice shaking. But it was too late.

 

“I called him a faggo-” Tj’s fist came crashing into his face before he could even finish the awful word a second time. Chaos broke out instantly. Marty and Buffy both rushed forward and took Tj by the arms, dragging him away. Two of the other basketball guys leaned down to Travis, whose nose was bleeding. Cyrus didn’t know what to do, but the minute Travis’s eyes locked with his, he knew he couldn’t be in the gym. Except he was frozen in place. Luckily, Brandon (who he has never talked to before) rushed by his side and lead him out the gym doors and into the hallway.

 

“I’m so sorry man-” Brandon started, quickly getting cut off by a loud bang coming from the locker room next to them. 

 

“Tj, you need to calm down-” Cyrus heard as he pulled open the door. Buffy looked panicked, but before Cyrus could get a good read of the room, he was shoved out by Marty. 

 

“You, in there.” Marty rushed, shoving Brandon in the room and shutting the door. He leaned against it for a second, catching his breath. Once his breathing relaxed he opened his eyes and shot Cyrus an apologetic glance. 

 

“I wanna see Tj.” Cyrus tried to make his voice even, but it failed on him. Marty winced, looking away.

 

“Come… Come with me, ok?” He asked cautiously. Cyrus, feeling like he didn’t have much of a choice, nodded and followed Marty away from the door. 

 

The walk to wherever they were going gave him enough time to start processing what the  _ hell _ had just happened. Cyrus had ever seen Tj angrier. He had never seen Tj punch someone either. Cyrus felt awful that he did that for him. He shouldn't have. Now he’s going to get in trouble and it’ll just be because he was trying to defend Cyrus. But why couldn’t Cyrus see him now? Was he ok? He had to be, if anything his fist was just hurt.

 

It only took them four minutes to arrive at the empty cafeteria. It would’ve taken them less time if Cyrus didn’t have his boot, but Marty didn’t seem to mind.He sat down at the closest table.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t know where else we could sit and talk.” Marty shrugged. “How are you?” He asked softly. It felt weird, being comforted by Marty. They never talked much before. 

 

“I’m-” He tried to say fine, but found tears reforming in his eyes. “I wanna talk to Tj.” He said instead, trying to stuff the tears back. It didn’t work this time. So with no distraction to stop them, the tears fell and Cyrus hung his head, willing them to stop. Marty put a comforting hand on his band, but Cyrus didn’t look back up.

 

“I know, but he needs a minute to calm down.” Marty sighed. Cyrus finally looked up, confused.

 

“Is he ok?” He asked, wiping tears from his eyes.

 

“He’s just… really angry,” Marty stated awkwardly. “They told me on the team that Tj used to have serious anger issues, but by the time I got here, they were beginning to clear up. We just don’t want him to do something stupid.” 

 

“Tj wouldn’t hit me.” Cyrus was saying it before he even realized he was saying it. 

 

“We think that too,” Marty assured. “But he’s not himself currently.” Marty gives him a small, comforting smile, which Cyrus finds hard to return.

 

“How are you holding up?” Marty asks, again. Cyrus thinks about it, again. In front of the entire basketball team and Tj, he was just called a f-. Cyrus couldn’t even think it without feeling sick.

 

“I don’t wanna talk about me.” Cyrus rushes out.

 

“Ok.” Marty nods. 

 

“How are you? You looked in pain during practice.” Cyrus changed the subject. Marty winced a bit, looking at the table.

 

“Yeah... Uh-so you can’t say anything to anyone else, ok?” Marty seemed nervous, so Cyrus nodded curiously and made a zip motion to his lips. Marty let out a slight chuckle. “I practiced with my binder on. Buffy has caught me a couple times before, so this time she was super mad.” Marty’s uncomfort with the first statement shifted to fondness at the mention of Buffy. Cyrus was less surprised than he probably should’ve been. Not because Marty looked feminine or that Cyrus suspected it, because neither were true, it just didn’t seem like a big deal nowadays.

 

“I didn't know you’re trans.” Cyrus said in slight surprise. Marty shrugged.

 

“I started transitioning at my last school and moved here to get away from some people. I’m not planning on flaunting it here either, as proved,” Marty joked sadly, gesturing back to the gym. “I’m not supposed to wear my binder while working out, but… I don’t want anyone to find out. Some people can be pretty shitty.” Marty trailed, giving Cyrus another sympathetic look, to which Cyrus nodded. 

 

“Definitely get that,” Cyrus snorted. “Thank you for telling me, I won’t tell anybody. I’m here if you ever want to talk.” Marty gave him an embarrassed smile and nodded. After that they started to drift into thought-proking silence, and Cyrus hated it. “What if Tj hates me?” He whispered, staring at the floor.

 

“W-what?” Marty sputtered. Cyrus didn’t look at him.

 

“He didn’t- I don’t think he knew that I’m gay. Maybe he heard through the grapevine but… I never told him. I… I don’t want him to hate me.” Cyrus stuttered. What if he thought Cyrus was watching him during practice? Would he find it gross? Cyrus doesn’t think he can stand his crush rejecting him before he even has the guts to confess in the first place.

 

“Cyrus, Tj doesn’t hate you.” Marty urged. “He just punched a guy in the face for you. And you know he doesn’t do that anymore.” Cyrus knew that Marty was right, but he couldn’t help but be nervous. “If anything, I’d say he’s whipped for you.” Marty added with a smirk. 

 

Cyrus couldn’t help but laugh. It came out more broken than he would’ve like it too. The idea of Tj liking him back… No, Cyrus didn’t get that. Cyrus got unrequited crushes and shitty people who call him shitty things. That was Cyrus’s life. Tj liking him back was… Impossible. And it hurt Cyrus too much to even think about it.

 

“You’re delusional. Tj Kippen is the king of straights.” Cyrus snorted, trying to resolve the tightness in his chest. Marty’s eyebrows shot up.

 

“ _ I’m  _ delusional?” Marty asked, letting out a small laugh. Cyrus was even more confused by that. Marty just shook his head. “Just talk to him.” 

 

“I would, but  _ some people _ aren’t lett-”

 

“Cyrus!” Like magic, there he was. Tj was running towards them. His face was red and blotchy, his fists bruised, but he didn’t look as angry anymore. More… Concerned. Cyrus jumped up in surprise at the out of breath boy. Tj didn’t stop running until he ran into Cyrus, wrapping him into a tight hug. It took Cyrus a second to return the hug, out of surprise, but when he did he didn’t ever want to let go. And Tj didn’t want to either, with a grip like stone. 

 

And just like that, everything came back in a wave of emotions. Cyrus couldn’t stop the sobs from resurfacing. _I just calmed down,_ _I’m overreacting, it was just a word, it was a while ago now, I need to get over it, Tj is going to think I’m weak._ All of these things Cyrus thought, but none could stop his sobs. Cyrus wasn’t used to people hating him. And now someone hated him for something he couldn’t control. And for a minute, for a single second, Cyrus wishes that he was _normal_. He lets out a choked sob at that, wanting to take the thought back instantly. How could he think that? With nearly everyone he loves recently coming out to him and being there for him, how could he hate that part of himself because of one person? How could he think being gay is anything other than normal? He became hyperaware of the bracelet on his wrist, and silently thanked Andi. Cyrus never thought a word could hold so much damage, and he sure never thought a word could do so much damage to himself. 

 

He doesn’t know how long it takes him to come back down to earth, but he notices Tj rubbing his back and whispering reassurances and his sobs start to ease. He breaths shakily as he sobs come to a stop. He started to lean back, out of the hug, but Tj seemed reluctant. After another minute, Tj finally let go. Cyrus didn’t want to look at him, so he looked anywhere  _ but _ him (noticed that Marty had left) and stared at the ground. He didn’t know what to say.

 

“Cyrus, look at me,” Tj urged softly. When Cyrus met his eyes, it wasn’t anger. It wasn’t anger or disgust or… Or whatever Cyrus was scared of it being. It was worry and comfort. “Cy… I’m so sorry.” Tj croaked. Cyrus shook his head.

 

“It’s not your fault-”

 

“I should’ve been there for you afterward,” Tj shook his head. “But… I was so angry. I couldn’t- I haven’t been that angry in a while.” Tj looked down in embarrassment.

 

“Why… Why were you angry?” Cyrus asked softly, because he still didn’t get it. It wasn’t at Tj, it didn’t  _ affect _ Tj. Tj, though, looked at Cyrus in confusion.

 

“Are you kidding?” Tj asked. His eyes widened as Cyrus shook his head. “He- What he called you, Cyrus.” He exasperated quietly. “No one should  _ ever _ call  _ anyone  _ that,  _ especially _ you! You- God, Cyrus- I’m levelheaded now and still upset that Marty and Buffy dragged me away.” He ranted, heat rising into his face again.

 

“Beating him up won’t fix anything.” Cyrus mumbled.

 

“He deserves it,” Tj growled. Cyrus still didn’t understand why Tj got so mad, but he couldn’t bring himself to defend that boy anymore, so he left it at that. He hated the silence that started to occur, but luckily so did Tj. “How are you?”

 

Cyrus let out a self-deprecating laugh.

 

“Don’t you feel your shoulder.” He asked with a small smile. Tj, who looked down at his shoulder, noticed that it was nearly soaked with Cyrus’s tears. Tj didn’t return the laugh, giving Cyrus a pained look. 

 

“Do you wanna go swing?” 

 

“ _ Please _ .”


	7. Jonah Beck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote these last two chapters on an airplane but ya gotta do whatcha gotta do jlkji. ALSO this is the last time i write a multi chapter w/o planning rip.... hope yall enjoy anyways!! the comments/kudos mean so much to me, love yall <3333

If Cyrus wasn’t out to the school before, he  _ definitely _ was now. News of the past basketball practice spread quickly and, come next week, everyone knew. Surprisingly, the reaction was quite small. There were a few glances and whispers, but they were more about the fight rather than what had caused it. If anyone had a problem with Cyrus being gay, they hadn’t voiced it yet. Cyrus hoped that those people didn’t exist, but he got the feeling that they did and the death glares from Tj and Buffy were keeping them quiet.

 

Despite the minimal backlash, Buffy and Tj have taken it upon themselves to be Cyrus’s personal bodyguards, glaring at people like they wanted to rip their head off whenever someone gave Cyrus as much as a second glance. While unnecessary, Cyrus appreciated it. He was a bit surprised that no one else had reported it, but he supposed the only other person who might would be Travis, and he certainly wasn’t going to. The decision not to was completely on Cyrus.

 

_ “Are you going to report it to the principal?” Tj asked softly. Cyrus appreciated him not sounding accusatory. _

 

_ “You’ll get in trouble.” Cyrus mumbled. Tj huffed, rolling his eyes. _

 

_ “Please don’t let that get in the way of your decision. If that’s the way you want him to pay then he should. I’m ok with a tiny suspension.” Tj smiled, swinging slightly higher on his swing. Cyrus stuttered on his. He didn’t see how the other boy could casually use the words “tiny” and “suspension” in the same sentence. Yet, he pushed his feelings about his crush getting punished aside. Cyrus knew that if he didn’t report Travis for Tj his moral compass would regret it. But even with Tj aside, the idea of retelling what happened to the principal made his stomach drop. His parents would have to be called and… He didn’t want that to be the way his parents found out he’s gay. Cyrus didn’t feel ready. The feeling he felt in his chest made him wonder if he ever would. _

 

_ “I-” Cyrus’s voice died in his throat. Talking about this, about being gay, felt so odd with Tj. He felt like talking about that while leaving out the fact that he has a big gay crush on Tj was lying. It made him feel incredibly embarrassed. Cyrus wished that that wasn’t the way that Tj found out, or that he had immediately denied it. But it’s been too long to deny it now. “I don’t wanna come out to my parents yet.” _

 

_ Cyrus had never mentioned it directly before. He stopped swinging, time freezing around him. His chest hurt. He wasn’t ready, he wasn’t. Fucking. Ready. He wasn’t ready for his guy best friend/crush to feel uncomfortable around him or stop talking to him. But the circumstances proved that he didn’t have any control of the situation anymore, and that scared him beyond belief. _

 

_ “Cyrus!” It was then that Cyrus realized he had not only stopped swinging but breathing as well. Tj was in front of his swing, looking concerned again. “Hey, it’s going to be ok, ok? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, just breath.” Cyrus obeyed, regaining his breathing. He put his head in his hands. _

 

_ “I’m sorry I keep freaking out. I must seem really weak,” Cyrus let out a snort. “This all is just… a lot.” _

 

_ “Cyrus, you’re not weak. This situation is fucking awful. But you’re going to be ok. Reporting him is one hundred percent your choice.”  _

 

_ “Ok.” _

 

So, Cyrus didn’t report Travis. Travis didn’t seem to want to say anything either, skipping school most days and keeping his head low others. Now it’s just the aftermath. And Tj has been… avoiding him. Cyrus knew that he was overreacting, it’s not like Tj refused to talk to him. In fact, he still was like a guard dog to him in the halls and hung out with him during school, but he barely talked to Cy afterschool. Texting conversations were shortened significantly due to dry and short replies and every plan Cyrus tried to make, Tj would cancel.  _ He’s weirded out. _ Cyrus knew it and it  _ hurt. _ The first night he thought that that might be the reason, he cried. His brain hasn’t been able to give up the reason since.  _ I need to stop crying over this boy _ .

 

And yet, he wondered  _ how _ that could be the reason. Was it really that weird to have a gay friend? Cyrus has straight friends ( _ Wait, Do I?)  _ Cyrus knows straight girls who are attracted to boys and he’s not weirded out at the possibility of them liking him. Maybe it’s just the toxic masculinity that surrounds the idea. He couldn’t live like this, he needed to  _ know. _

 

Cyrus immediately counted out all of his female friends and Tj, for obvious reasons respectively. That left Walker, Jonah, and Marty. Walker was pansexual, so he figured that defeated the point, and Marty would immediately see through his scheme and tell him to just talk to Tj, and he  _ couldn’t do that _ . So that left Jonah, the frisbee king. The excrush.  _ Oh God. _ Cyrus thought.  _ I’m going to ask my excrush if I make him uncomfortable. _ It was a bad idea, an awful idea with virtually no plan, but Cyrus needed to know. So, he texted him.

 

**Cy Guy:** _ hey! Can we talk soon?  _

 

**JONAH BECK:** _OFC_ *clock emoji* _?_

 

**Cy Guy:** _ half an hour? _

 

**JONAH BECK:** _ * _ thumbs up*

  
  
  
  
  


Walking into the spoon and seeing Jonah wave at him gave his head a throb. He was really doing this.

 

“Cy Guy!” Jonah smiled as Cyrus sat down. 

 

“Jonah Beck.” Cyrus chuckled nervously. 

 

“What’d ya wanna talk about?” Jonah leaned back and popped a couple of baby taters into his mouth as he stared expectantly. Cyrus already felt stupid for the question, but he wanted to know and it was too late to back out now. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he ripped off the band-aid.

 

“Do I make you uncomfortable?” Cyrus rushed out in a huff. He waited half a second before opening his eyes to a confused looking Jonah.

 

“What?” He asked with a frown. Cyrus painfully reiterated.

 

“Does me being gay make you uncomfortable?” Jonah dropped the taters he was holding in surprise.

 

“What?! No! Cyrus, of course not! Why would you think that?” He asked in confusion, sitting up straighter. Cyrus shrugged uncomfortably.

 

“I think… I think someone else might be and you’re basically the only other straight guys I know so…” Cyrus trailed off into an embarrassed shrug.

 

“Oh... Well, of course, you don’t make me uncomfortable Cyrus,” Jonah smiled, then glanced up and bit his lip nervously. “And… I’m bisexual.” Cyrus froze before groaning and melting into a puddle of embarrassment and annoyance onto the table. “Um… Ok?” Jonah laughed, causing Cyrus to shoot straight back up in realization of what he just did.

 

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry, that wasn’t my reaction to that! I mean, it sort of was, but for other reasons! That’s awesome, I’m so proud of you!” Cyrus rushed out, cheeks flushing. 

 

“It’s ok, it’s not that big of a deal to me, but thanks. And let me get this straight. You wanted to know if one of your friends is uncomfortable by you being gay so you asked me thinking I was straight to gauge a reaction and are now annoyed that you can’t do that properly because I’m bi?” Jonah asked, raising an eyebrow. Cyrus blinked blankly at the other boy. For someone who has the emotional range of a golden retriever, he really comprehended that.

 

“Uh… Exactly.”

 

“Then why don’t you just talk to him?” Jonah asked with a chuckle.

 

“You don’t get it, he would lie.” Cyrus grumbled, picking at the last few baby taters in his tray.

 

“It’s Tj, isn’t it?” Jonah asked quietly. Cyrus nodded. “You like him, right?” Cyrus groaned at that, letting his head fall and hit the table. 

 

“Since when did you become so observant?” Cyrus mumbled from the table. 

 

“I’ve  _ always _ been observant.” That has Cyrus snort in laughter into the table. 

 

“BET,” He laughed, looking up. Jonah looked confused. “Dude, you were my first crush and you were  _ oblivious. _ ” Cyrus laughed with a slight blush at the embarrassing memories. Jonah's jaw dropped.

 

“What?!” Both boys started into a fit of laughter.

 

“Sorry if that’s weird.” Cyrus sighed awkwardly as they came down from their laughs. Jonah shook his head.

 

“It’s not weird. And I bet you Tj won’t think it’s weird either.” 

 

“He already thinks it’s weird that I’m gay, I’m not going to make it worse by telling him I like him.” Cyrus played with his hands.

 

“Cyrus,  _ why _ do you think he thinks your weird?” Jonah asked in exasperation.

 

“He’s been avoiding me as much as he can ever since he found out.” Cyrus grumbled at the bitter fact. 

 

“Huh… Well, he punched a guy in the face for you so I doubt he thinks it’s weird. So maybe...” Jonah trailed off and stared at Cyrus expectantly. Cyrus looked back at him, face contorted in confusion. “Maybe when he found out you’re gay it scared him because he realized he actually has a chance with you.”

 

The thing that scared Cyrus the most about what Jonah was saying was that it might be true. He was now more confused than ever. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but he didn’t want the other option to be true. And the only other explanation was that it had nothing to do with Cyrus being gay and this was all just a big misunderstanding, but Cyrus has too much anxiety to believe that wholeheartedly.

 

“Cyrus, just talk to him.” 

“I-I think I might.” Cyrus whispered, staring at the ground. After months of pining and convincing himself that he didn’t have a chance, he was finally going to confront his crush on Tj.  _ Crush. _ Lately, it’s felt like far, far more than a crush. It’s felt like a word that Cyrus is terrified to say, especially to Tj. But he was going to confront him. Someway, somehow, he was going to do it. 

 

“Goodluck man.” Jonah smiled, patting Cyrus on the shoulder.

 

_ This is a bad idea, isn’t it? _


	8. Tj Kippen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp! it's done! woot! wooooot! thank yall for reading, the amount of kudos and comments and just hits in general for this fic warms my heaaaarrrttttttttt <333

**Muffin:** _ swings? _

 

Cyrus stared at the text in disbelief. He shakily chucked his phone towards the end of his bed.  _ Swings? Seriously Cyrus? _ Jonah gave him the advice to do it fast before chickening out as a parting, and Cyrus decided to follow it. Sort of. He slept on it. 

 

He thought that if he thought about it more then he WOULD chicken out and the plan of telling Tj that he’s basically in love with him would be no more than a stupid idea, a fantasy. But the longer it was from Cyrus’s talk with Jonah, the more anxiety built up. Somehow, he felt obligated. And as much as the idea terrified him, some part of him knew that he  _ needed  _ to do it now. The sleepless nights, the feeling of worthlessness he was giving himself, he couldn’t do it anymore. The fighting with his parents, the fear and confusion over who knows he’s gay and who doesn’t… He didn’t want to do it anymore, he couldn’t. He had to tell Tj.

 

**Teej <3: ** _ is everything ok? _

**Teej <3: ** _ coming _

 

_ I worried him _ . Cyrus tossed his phone back down with an annoyed grunt. He got up and headed to his mirror, checking that he looked at least somewhat presentable. After nearly five minutes of messing with his hair, he gave up and decided that it didn’t matter. He grabbed his phone and headed downstairs to leave. When he got into the kitchen to leave though, he found two of his parents staring at him. They were in their usual breakfast spots, sitting at the dining table. He froze, staring back at them both.

 

“Um. Hi.” He stuttered, trying to analyze their faces. It’s not like he was doing anything wrong. It was midday and he was going to the park, which is in walking distance. Yet, he was still nervous.

 

“Hello, sweetie.” Sharon took a sip of her tea. Knocking out of his trance, Cyrus walked towards the door. “Where ya’ goin’?” She asked, innocently. Cyrus paused again, turning on his heel.

 

“The park.” He replayed blandly, turning back around.

 

“Cyrus!” His father sounded scandalized. Cyrus, getting dizzy from the stop and go, turned around quickly. 

 

“What?!” He exclaimed, regretting it a bit as he looked between the two of them. They looked concerned and offended. He knew he kept being short with them lately, but he couldn’t help it. 

 

“What is going on with you lately?” Sharon exasperated. “You can’t just leave the house whenever you want!” 

 

“Since when?” Cyrus asked weakly, knowing it’s the wrong response. Correct on his assumption, they both glared at him.

 

“We’ve given you some leniency lately because we’ve noticed you’re dealing with  _ something _ and we haven’t asked what, but-“ Cyrus, feeling daring and angry and running on nerves, interrupted them.

 

“ _ Haven’t asked _ ?! The reason I’ve been out of the house so much is because every time I’m home you won’t leave me alone about it!” He snapped. 

 

“About  _ what _ , Cyrus?!” His dad asked, leaning towards him over the table. Cyrus open and closed his mouth.  _ Tj’s waiting for me _ .

 

“I can’t deal with this right now.” Cyrus muttered, moving towards the door.

 

“WALK OUT THAT DOOR AND YOU'RE GROUNDED!” Sharon yelled, causing Cyrus to whip back around again, eyes wide. They’ve never really yelled at him before, never the less grounded him. They’ve never had to.

 

“You can’t do that, I have to be somewhere-“

 

“Oh yes, we can. We need to talk about this Cyrus-“

 

“I seriously need to be somewhere-“

 

“CYRUS-“

 

“I’M GAY!” Cyrus yelled, squeezing his eyes shut. Sure, he wanted them to know. But not  _ now _ , not like this. He wanted to talk to Tj first. He wanted to tell his friends that he was actually going to come out to his parents and have a good conversation with his parents about it, but now… He needed to get to the park. “I have to go…” Cyrus muttered, turning towards the door before opening his eyes back up and walking out. He didn’t want to see their faces. 

 

“Wait, honey-“ Sharon started, but Cyrus kept walking. He refused to cry, Tj would notice. So he just kept walking, keeping his mind blank, until he got all the way to the park without noticing. It wasn’t until he heard his name being called that he pulled himself out of his trance and looked up. Tj was standing next to a still swinging swing, staring at him in concern.  _ Crap, it’s obvious. _

 

“Cyrus? Are you ok?” Tj asked in concern starting to walk forward. Cyrus walked up to the swings to meet him and stared at the swing he should be sitting in. “Cyrus?”

 

Cyrus looked up at Tj and, with a rush of adrenaline, he said it.

 

“I like you, ”Cyrus started. The shock on Tj’s face was enough to get Cyrus to look at the swing again but not enough to stop talking. “I’m so sorry if that makes you uncomfortable and I know you don’t feel the same way, so I still want to be friends, ok? I was so scared to tell you cause I don’t want to lose you and I still don’t but I haven’t been able to sleep or focus and ever since you found out that I’m gay you haven’t really talked to me and I can’t stand it. I’m in love with you and oh my god I’m telling you this-“

 

“Cyrus…”

 

“I just accidentally came out to my parents and ran out of the house so I’m gonna be in so much trouble when I get home but I don’t care, I just want the rejection to be over with so I can function again because God, Tj, I am so in love with you I can’t breath when I’m around you and oh my god I need to shut up-“

 

“Cyrus.”

 

“I know you don’t feel the same because you’re basically the last straight person I know and out of everyone I know why does my  _ crush _ have to be the only straight one, I mean seriously-“

 

“Cyrus!” Tj yelled, shaking Cyrus’s shoulders. Cyrus shut his mouth and looked up at Tj, who gave him such a soft look that his heart dared to melt. 

 

“Sorry…” Cyrus muttered weakly, entranced at how close he was to Tj’s face. 

 

“Can I kiss you?” Tj asked softly.

 

“Wha-What?!” Cyrus exclaimed, but didn’t move.

 

“Can I kiss you?” Tj repeated. And Cyrus, heart beating in his throat, nodded.

 

Cyrus used to worry that he over exaggerated how bad kissing Iris was. He was scared that maybe that’s what it was supposed to be like and his expectations were just too high. But now, kissing Tj, he knew that those worries were wrong. It was short and a bit awkward, but it was  _ good _ . There were no fireworks or sparks, just  _ happiness _ . Cyrus’s smile broke it off and he opened his eyes to Tj smiling back at him. He leaned forward to touch their foreheads together. 

 

“I like you too,” Tj whispered, causing Cyrus to laugh. Tj dissolved into laughter too, picking up Cyrus in a hug and spinning him around. 

 

“So you’re..?” Cyrus asked nervously, still laughing.

 

“Very, very gay, underdog.” Tj smiled cheekily.

 

“Damn,” Cyrus chuckled. “I know ZERO straight people.” To that, they both dissolved into laughter again. Cyrus didn’t want to leave the spot. Laughing in Tj’s arms by the swings. It was perfect.

 

“Wait, so you came out to your parents?” Tj asked softly. Cyrus groaned in remembrance, burying his head into Tj’s shoulder.

 

“I yelled it at them and ran out of the house.” Cyrus mumbled. Tj gave a low whistle.

 

“Dang underdog.” 

 

“I know,” Cyrus groaned. “But they were basically interrogating me and I had to leave.” 

 

“You had to leave?” Tj smirked. Cyrus felt heat rise to his face.

 

“Well, yeah. I needed to see you.” Cyrus smiled shyly, looking up at Tj. Cyrus grinned at the blush growing on the other boys face. 

 

“I… I needed to see you too.” Cyrus’s smile dropped a bit, eyebrows furring.

 

“Then why were you ignoring me?” Tj sighed at the question, looking at a distant tree in frustration.

 

“I got scared,” He muttered, glancing back down at Cyrus. “Finding out you’re gay… It meant I actually could have a chance, and that was terrifying. Especially because if you rejected me I couldn’t just say _‘oh well, he’s straight’_ , ya know?” Tj shrugged. Cyrus hummed in understanding. He wouldn’t admit it, but it made him feel slightly better knowing that Tj had his anxieties too.

 

“Well, I don’t think you have to worry about that anymore.” Cyrus leaned forward, booping their noses together, giving Tj his infectious smile.

 

“I don’t think I do.”

 

——-

 

“I think my parents might send out a swat team if I don’t get home soon.” Cyrus sighed. The two had spent the last two hours goofing around the park and flirting happily.

 

“Are you going to be ok?” Tj sympathized. Cyrus nodded with a sigh.

 

“I think so.” He smiled, reaching over and linking their hands. Tj stared at their hands with a face that worried Cyrus.

 

“So… What are we now?” Tj whispered nervously. Cyrus nearly stopped breathing.

 

“What do you want to be?” Cyrus asked tentatively. “I know you’re not out and you don’t have to be. Just being with you is enough for me.” He added, squeezing the other boys hand. Tj nodded slowly.

 

“I want to be boyfriends. To everyone,” He smiled nervously, glancing up at Cyrus. “If-if that’s what you want.” Cyrus grabbed their linked hands with his other hand.

 

“Of course.” Tj smiled at that and then started laughing. “What?”

 

“Are we gonna be as disgustingly gay as Andi and my sister?” They both could not breath for a full minute because of laughter.

 

“Puh-lease,” Cyrus snorted after finally regaining his voice. “We’re gonna give  _ everyone _ a run for their money.” Tj raised his eyebrows and looked impressed.

 

“All the gays?”

 

“All the gays.”


End file.
